I really have a good life, i have less complaints to God, at least. However, I’ve had a lot of really hard things, burgs, messes and embarrassments in my life too. Some of these I’ve always talked about from media interviews, in my books and seminars.

I am a Parent & Father to amazing daughters, that’s something that can never miss from my introduction if we have ever engaged in a personal conversation. Nothing can equate the joy of that pleasant cross we (i and the co-parent) carry each day to raise our daughters. With such bundle of joy & given the profiles we have outside there; Author, Entrepreneur, Consultant, bla bla, a lot of people far from me think I have an extreme good life. It is true. I’m really, extremely fortunate to have my bundles of joy, to have work I absolutely love and to have hustled my way up to deserve platforms and honors unimagined. I am lucky to have a supportive mother, loving people around me and living in a country i love – Uganda.

Good life? Right?, you must be thinking. But… there is a lot behind that profile that I have never shared, probably for the same reason you don’t share your deepest embarrassing failures and your inner ass thorny-poking torments. For the same reason you probably won’t share your one night stand you had after a drink, or the time you made up in office chairs with your colleague pants half knees lagging. You get the gist. We all have hidden stories we don’t share. Some good others bad as messes and evil as they may seem. But we have reason for keeping that. All of us. And they are part of us. Settle and we talk, the article gonna be longer..

There is a film/series my mentor, Sally recommended to me last year, it is called Dexter. It is bout a serial killer who only kills people who kill other people. He works for the police force somewhere and he is a very nice guy, so kind and loving to his family and friends. Very nice. By day, he’s your favorite neighbor. By night, he’s a murderer to his target people and the last person you’d ever think would be.

…...as scary as it sounds it is how and when the masks we wear and the shadows we try to hide meet

We have built this thing of preaching perfection. We’re all extremely good at hiding those things about ourselves we feel are dark, not acceptable and can lead us to some judgement, we spend our whole lives trying to convince the world we’re helpful, kind, beautiful and wonderful people, when inside we’re chocking in resentment and self doubt. We paint ourselves selfless but deep down we’re also selfish lads carrying all the BS inside. It’s how high profile husbands preach faithfulness and great family bonds yet last night they forced their mistress to have an abortion because they had an affair with them when wifey was away. It is how we want to act rich yet inside we are chocking on debts and struggling to keep up basic needs.

With the rise of the internet and self profiling platforms, it is even easier to live by that in a world where we can completely control what people think of us. We all know that person on Facebook or twitter who looks like they have the perfect life, but when you meet them, you see the definition of contrary.

Why don’t we like to show the authenticity of us?...

Part of what was hard about sharing my life failures mainly on finances and relationships is that not only did I not want to be seen as a failure, but I didn’t want to actually BE one. But given deeper understanding, that mentality makes one miss one critical issue – we cannot avoid scars and slumps in life. Just like Chahal Gurbarksh, had a family issue and the mask and the shadow eventually met, he had to deal with each other. My gist is;

…We can’t hide from the truth forever…eventually it comes out..

Slowly taking off the mask and sharing and seeing life with real eyes, not afraid to speak about the BS that we get through each day makes life a ver living and daring adventure. Where as i have found resistance in this time (of shading off masks) with people who feel attacked because of shading off these masks, it is something i call liberating, if you can manage to be unapologetically you and be confident in your skin, then life becomes easier.

Maturity is the ability to hold the tension between two irreconcilable paradoxes. Life can be really hard and kind of miserable and also really awesome, somehow, at the same time and so we don’t need to hide the shadow. Few weeks back i wrote a post about same matter on my Facebook page (about how people love to be called CEOs even in irrelevant times) that picked a lot of misunderstanding and criticism, but later a friend texted me:

“I admire you and the confidence you have built. It makes me think I can start living life with who i am now and have things faced without fear of judgement.”

And so with such rough thoughts in this article i have hope that you find yourself in some part of it and know that Dexter is all of us but we cannot be Dexters for ever. And to know that it’s ok to take off the mask before the shadow takes it off for us. Little by little, loving those parts of us we feel are unlovable and getting passionately naked.

I’ve been running a program called “Bliss Alive” at Legacy Pearls Africa which is all about self-love and it reminds me of what the famous therapy trainer, Marisa Peer describes as a core limiting belief every human has – the thought of “I am not enough”. We think the real ‘us’, is not enough, so we become Dexters putting on masks to feel validated.

It’s important to remember that you are better when purely naked. Imagine what it could be like to experience radical confidence to be you, exactly you, shading off the masks and stopping faking what we think is good in the eyes of others and live exactly who we are facing, the BS as it is and running around naked.

A situation where you feel fully yourself, free of judgement, being able to accept all your scars & feel authentic, and cherished for everything you bring to the table because you are you. A life where you speak raw with love, with physical touch, and where appreciation flows freely, because you are YOU.

Can you even imagine that?

This is an opportunity for you to accept and appreciate everything you are and live it as is while you seek what is relevant ahead. To get comfortable with being uncomfortable, to be more raw and embrace the power of vulnerability. It’s time to get naked! It is something i am doing lately and i am unapologetically proud of it.

Let’s shed the worries, anxiety and insecurities together. Throw out the judgement, self doubts and second guesses and be US. Imagine your ability to stand in front of the mirror with a fresh perspective, and LOVE everything you see and appreciate it unapologetically. We cannot expect to love or be loved fully and realistically until we begin the path of real self love and acceptance.

When we are not Dexters, we can share with those around us what REALLY lights us up and illuminate the same to them. Accepting your true nature, BS, shortcomings, messes, sins and failures, gifts and vulnerabilities gives us the ultimate FREEDOM. My wo(bu)rst thoughts ever! Let’s get naked and accept the breaks and cracks, after all, broken crayons too still write. Getting passionately naked and revealing our scars is the way we move from being Dexters but realists.

Namaste!

About Me

Nicholas K. Quest  >>   a Best Selling Transformational Author, Consultant and Serial Entrepreneur. I am passionate about helping others to achieve their greatest dreams and ambitions through my Transformational education & development programs.

Follow my work through my training/Publishing and Consulting firms respectively: Legacy Pearls Africa, NBK-Premier Solutions, DETT Community

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Live. Love. Now!